Hermit

So with Christmas comes loneliness. At least it does if you're like me and your stupid housemates decide they want to spend holidays with their families (italics in this case indicate a snivelly, nasal tone reserved for mocking someone for choosing something pansy-like [ballet, let's say] over something manly-like [Ultimate Fighting, per se]). They chose family instead of chillin' like a villain with me at Casa Bairstowaway with me. So, here is the complete list of things I have done in my utter solitude these last two weeks at home:

*Cleaned my room
*Cleaned bathroom
*Vacuumed living room
* four loads of laundry (including bedsheets)
* Watched the entire Star Wars trilogy (not end to end, but in my proudest moment I spent the tail-end of Christmas Eve watching Return Of The Jedi after church. Stupid Ewoks).
* Thus inspired, played through and beat Jedi Knight II: Jedi Academy for X-Box (on Jedi Knight difficulty. I've only ever beat it on Padawan before).
* Played the longest game of online Scrabble ever with Paddy (it's been like the full two weeks)
* Learned how to play "Brick" by Ben Folds Five, "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson, and "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley on guitar
* Watched the Conan O'Brien 10th anniversary DVD my brother got me for Christmas
* Watched The Commitments
* Watched Ocean's Thirteen
* Watched various episodes of Scrubs and The Office
* Made a survey about "An Acoustic/Indie Christmas" on createsurvey.com and had fun cross referencing the results
* Wrote rambling blog about car thieves and why I stole thumbtacks from Zellers
* Made nachos
* Made Kraft Dinner (2x)
* Ate a whole box of Mini-Wheats
* Made banana-orange smoothies
* Watched and re-watched videos of "An Acoustic/Indie Christmas" so as to over-analyze my harmonies and facial expressions

I think that covers it.

Word of the Year

Can you guess what it is?

A little message

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Bets wishes to all of ye during Christmas. Hopefully you can all enjoy it with your family and friends.

Why I Should Never Be On A Jury (or, Kerry Is No Better Than A Car Thief)

I have a new obsession. Over the last couple of days I've watched every video on http://www.baitcar.com/. Allow me to explain. British Columbia has the highest rate of auto theft in Canada. To combat theft, the police have started placing "bait cars" in high risk areas. When a bait car gets snatched, the police can remotely cut the engine at any time, making it easy to catch the offenders. Baitcar.com posts videos of these offenders as they steal the car, converse, and occasionally smoke crack until the engine is cut, when they invariably freak out (actually, it's not invariably; there's one where a guy starts reading a book, waiting for the police to call him out of the car. You have to be impressed by that kind of stoicism). A lot of the videos are played for laughs, including one where the theives joke about how funny it would be if they wound up on baitcar.com (while assuring themselves that the car they lifted is too "teenager-ed out" to be bait).

I'd like to say that the process has been educational, but it hasn't. Aside from a new verb ("gumping", the meaning of which I have yet to grasp) I haven't learned much. I had high hopes that maybe I would get a small glimpse into what drives (HIYO) these people to steal. Baitcar correctly identifies the link between drug use and car theft, but that wasn't quite what I was looking for. Drugs are the end that these people have chosen. I was wondering why they chose stealing cars as their means.

I'll be honest: I have stolen. When I was around 13 I had a summer of petty theft that was ridiculous. I stole stuff I wanted, like magazines, tapes (which were way easier to steal than CDs), video games and chocolate bars. I also stole stuff I didn't want just for the thrill of it: shoelaces, coin rolls, and at one high point, a box of thumbtacks (which I only just recently threw away). I understand the rush of stealing something, but for some reason there is a marked difference between stealing what I stole and stealing a car, and it's something besides the obvious fact that a car costs a lot more than a box of thumbtacks (unless, of course, you drive a Geo).

Honestly, and this is something I'm not particularly proud of, what makes what I did more acceptable in my mind is the difference between stealing from someone and stealing from something. If I steal a car, I'm stealing from a person (like me). If I steal from a store, I'm (more than likely) stealing from a corporation. And this is what I'll never understand about car thieves, or muggers, or home invaders: how they can so brazenly impose their will on another person and not feel bad about it (or at least, bad enough to stop what they're doing; I do plenty of things I feel bad about, just not bad enough). Do they not think about the inconvienience, the sense of impotence, the fear they put into people? What safety valve in their brain do they close off in order to allow themselves to take a car, a wallet, a television? That's what I was hoping to discover on Baitcar: the root of a car thief's self-entitlement.

I guess what I have learned is that I do not have a perfect compass of morality. I have personally committed the same act as the people on these videos and even though I understand why both my and their acts are wrong, I still do not understand why they do it as opposed to why I did it. There are a lot of reasons I did what I did, none of them any good. Sometimes it was becuase I was hungry (or, I should say, the North American suburban teenager version of hungry, where I casually wanted something to eat because I wanted it), because I was bored, or because I couldn't afford something I wanted. And I've seen some similar reason on Baitcar: some guys were going to strip it for parts to sell, some guys needed to get somewhere, and one guy even did it so he could give a buddy a lift home. Just because I can say with (relative) safety that I wouldn't or couldn't do what the people on the site do doesn't mean that I am free or clear, or better than they are. I have just as much self-entitlement as they do; I just express it differently (mostly by imposing music on people in the car, but in other ways too). If I wanted to be super philo-ma-sophical, I could ask if having a car means you have a sense of entitlement to that car, but considering that generally someone has paid for you to have that car, that entitlement is somewhat earned.

My point is, I think I was hoping to identify and discover what the difference is between me and the people of Baitcar, and since the only difference i could find isn't really a difference except in the way I react to it, there isn't much difference. I can either try to deny those feelings of self-entitlement, or I can start getting good with a screwdriver and find me a sweet Lexus.

Kincardine?!

So I decided to check out the weather for Kincardine (where Luke is from and where my grandma lives). And usually you're greeted by a nice little sunshine, some rain, flurries maybe. But I was greeted with something far more odd, intimidating and downright confusing, this.
As it turns out that's the Weather Network logo. I was afraid that there was going to be a spherical tornado in Kincardine and I'd have to dump my poor Grandma there for the holidays.

Top 5

Yup, you knew this was coming. Instead of going with my top 5 CDs of 2007, I'm going to go with the Top 5 CDs I listened to in 2007. That, I think, will paint a more accurate picture of what I was like this past year.

1. White Rabbits -- Fort Nightly (2007)

This is a band I discovered from a random video ad I saw online. I went from a thirty second clip to buying their disc in a matter of hours, and it didn't leave my player for four months. The most accurate way to describe them is calypso-rock, but they're so much more than that. The vast amount of rhythmic variance makes me love it as a drummer and the high energy makes me love it as a driver.

Best Song: "The Plot"

2. Tokyo Police Club -- A Lesson In Crime (2006)

I used to be able to say this sounds like nothing I've ever heard before, but that's no longer true: it turns out there a lot of skinny jeans'd kids doing the jittery indie thing. However, there's a certain indefinable quality to this CD that sets it apart. Maybe it's that I heard it first, but there's a lot of layering here that betraysan attention to detail that can get lost in a genre with such marked simplicity. I love how energetic it is (even when it doesn't mean to be) and there's a lot of creative tones, in the instrumentation, rather than in the writing (although the writing is good, too). I just wish they could do it live...

Best Song: "Cheer It On"

3. Stars -- In Our Bedroom After The War (2007)

A late entry, but this was almost my favourite disc this year. There are a few throwaways ("Personal", for one), but even those tracks I don't enjoy I respect as honest attempts that didn't strike me personally. It's a pretty mellow disc, but covers a lot of ground, from the sublime ("My Favourite Book"), open drive ("Midnight Coward"), and the epic ("In Our Bedroom After The War")

Best Song: "My Favourite Book"

4. The Junction -- The Junction (2007)

I played a show with these guys this year and was blown away with how nice and talented they were (which unfortunately tend to be mutually exclusive terms in the music business). Another one that covers a lot of music ground, with everything from rootsy stompers to screamo climaxes. Definitely not a radio friendly pop album but one that I never seem to tire of listening to, and one you can definitely sing along to.

Best Song: "Components Of Four"

5. Phantom Planet -- The Guest (2000)

Going waaaaay back, this is an album I slept on for a long time and am kicking myself for doing so. I loved their self-titled disc in 2003 but never thought about pursuing their back catalogue since everyone had told me how each of their albums was like listening to a different band. WHy check out another phase of the band when I liked the phase they were in? I wish I'd known what an amazingly listenable pop album this is. "California" is here, of course, but there are also unrequited ballads, chewing gum pop songs about girls walking by, and a wee bit of angst for variety.

Best Song: "One Ray Of Sunlight"

Honorable Mentions:

The Dandy Warhols -- 13 Tales From Urban Bohemia (1997)

Will Currie and the Country French -- Will Currie and the Country French (2007)

Sufjan Stevens -- Illinoise (2005)

Tapes n' Tapes -- The Loon (2007)

We Are Scientists -- With Love And Squalor (2005)

Mute Math -- Mute Math (2006)

Arcade Fire -- Funeral (2005)

Golden Dogs -- Big Eye little eye (2006)

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

You Might Be A Canuck

Usually office forwards are pretty lame. But this one actually had me lol-ing (laughing out loud - ing?!).

It's from Jeff Foxworthy (of You Might Be a Redneck if fame) who has turned his sights on Canadians.

I have bolded my favourites

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may Live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't Work there, you may live in Canada.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a Wrong number, you may live in Canada

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you May live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may Live in Canada

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, You may live in Canada

If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging Blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both Unlocked, you may live in Canada

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use Them, you may live in Canada

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you May live in Canada

If the speed limit on the highway is 100km -- you're going 110 and Everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with Snow, you may live in Canada

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road Construction, you may live in Canada

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada. What are miles?

If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada

Hullaballoo

I'm kind of stuck on this one. Can someone give me a tip, please?


Aside from playing infuriating puzzles, I played infuriating sports this evening. I have an arranged play date every week with some other neighbourhood boys at the ol' hockey rink... it's a really good time, but tonight we lost really bad, 6-1. I swear the NHL had a day off and showed up in Waterloo at 1030 pm to play on the other team, in front of nobody, for kicks.

My favourite moment of tonight though was attempting to break up a potential fight..... ON MY OWN BENCH BETWEEN MY OWN TEAMMATES. HAHAHA, oh sports! They bring out the best in people! My favourite quote of the night "Want me to come over there and punch you in the f****** face?!?" AHAHAHA.

In my head I started to wonder what would happen if our team started fighting itself. I bet the other team would just get a good laugh, I'd think it was pretty funny. Especially if it was a bench clearing brawl, you know, haha, how wierd would that be? We'd all come over the boards and it would look like we're coming to fight them, then we just fight each other. What would the league do? Would we get suspended from future games?

Really, words can only say exactly what they represent using alphabetized linguistic symbols that some may tell you are quite clear and simple to understand. However, in summary, here is a picture of what happened tonight:


Spare the rod, spoil the child, so they say. I don't really get that one at all, but it seems to me that it means that the child is preferential to this rod, so...your guess is as good as mine

Winter Wonderland

Today the Leb and I shovelled the driveway. More than once, actually. And between pushing passing cars through the drifts and watching said passerby stare jealously at the Leb's neon-green onesie, we couldn't help but notice that there was one Bairstowaway absent from our winter travails: Mook.

Now, what I don't want you to think is that Luke was upstairs sleeping, or drinking hot chocolate, or anything like that. Luke is an awesome housemate: he does everyone's dishes, he's tidy, and he gives amazing backrubs (we've heard). But Luke has this uncanny ability to be in Hamilton visiting that Annie girl, no doubt enjoying gluten-free treats, going to gluten-free parties and watching gluten-free movies, whenever some mad shovellin' needs doing. To wit, here is a chart describing attendance for th last two mad weekend storms:

Please note that there is a 2% margin of error. It's almost like he knows what's going to happen weather-wise.

We need an old priest and a young priest

This is a true story of 415-5 Bairstow.

Tuesday started off like any other day. I answered phones, Luke played with Blackberries, and Caleb made posters of women punching barefoot male ballerinas in the junk. Little were we to know that we would soon unwittingly host a guest from the afterlife.

After playing at From Jesus With Love, my friend Jenna from Hamilton came to stay the night, as she had to meet someone in Waterloo the next morning and didn't want to drive home. I extended hospitality to Jenna and offered her our couches for the night.

When we got home we were looking for something to do, and being an English major I naturally suggested Scrabble. in what can only be described as a shocking upset, Jenna leapt out to an early lead, with her first turn netting 78 points. Only the combined literacy of myself and Mook kept her at bay, and I was able to help Mook eke out a win by sacrificing myself on the last turn. Curious indeed that Jenna, a supposed music student, was able to so handily squash an English major at his own game.

Whatever, people had beaten me at Scrabble before. Jenna and I said our goodbyes as she was leaving early and we weren't sure whether we'd catch each other in the morning. So when I woke up and came downstairs the next morning I wasn't shocked to find that Jenna was gone without a trace; the couch cushions were neatly arranged, no dishes, not even a wet spot where her shoes were. What creeped me out was that all the doors were still locked. We all had our keys, no windows were broken, nothing. She had simply vanished. I called her cell to find out how she had done it, but received no answer.

I thought about it all day at work, the evening during supper, later that evening at rehearsal, and that night while at the pub. How did she do it? Where was her exit point? Jenna was small enough to fit through certain spaces, but she had a guitar with her! What had become of that? The questions yielded no answers, however, and the matter had begun to slip to the edges of my mind when I got home. I chatted pleasantly with the Leb and Mook whilst standing in the stairwell, as is our wont after a long, tiresome day of labour. Suddnly, we noticed that the bathroom light was flickering on and off randomly. The same thing happened with the basement light. There is only one workable conclusion:

Jenna never left the house.

We quickly tried to rally our minds to determine in what form Jenna continued to inhabit the house. Was she a Black Christmas-style psychopath, waiting in the attic until we fell asleep? Was she a collection of smaller animals, mice, let's say, who had learned to create in tandem a lifelike represntation of Jenna before dispersing throughout our domicile? Was she like the Sandman in Spiderman?

After much deliberation we fanned out into the house to see if we could discover where and in what form Jenna might still be in our house. The Leb, brave soul that he is, boldly volunteered to check the basement. Armed with only his camera, he headed downstairs among the flickering lights . Minutes later we heard a scream and saw a flash. he ran upstairs to show us the image he had captured:

The spectre of Jenna.

We will spend the next few days trying to find proton packs online and equpping our dryer to contain netherworldly spirits. In the meantime we ask that if you happen to run into the spectre of Jenna at our house, please do not agitate it. The spirit seems to have control over the bathroom lights which makes things difficult for us if it's angry.

The Haus is warm

Today was the official Haus warming! Thanks to those who came out to celebrate with us, it was a good long day of fun.

We started it all off with some birthday Nachos for Lord Kerrance.


Then it was dinner time. So we went and got pizza, chicken, wedges and such.

And then we played some NES. Following an extended annihilation in Dr. Mario by Pam, we went tobogganing at "Naked Dead Guy Park".










After limping back to the haus we went for dinner. Which consisted of pizza, chicken, wedges and the likes. Mr. Coffey and I decided to have some (uncut) medium pizzas rolled up as "Burritzzas", they tasted good, but it's now 1 a.m. and I am still full and regret my choice of consumption.




Thanks again to everyone who came out, it was a good time. We hope to have many more celebratory events in the future.

K O' Bday

Sorry the audio is a little offset.

COMBINE-nation

So last night Gus and I went to the Raptors game against the Phoenix Suns. We sat in row 11. No not level 2 row 11. Row 11! From the court! The seats were amazing. You could tell which player was which by what they actually looked like, not by squinting and trying to read jersey numbers as we've had to before.

The Raptors lost, but the game was amazing. Steve Nash is amazing. He can pass the ball to anyone, anywhere, anyway.

The half time show was an act that went by the name "Quick Change", so they announce that they're coming on and my dad blurts out "RICK JAMES!?! I thought he was dead". Even though it wasn't the Superfreak himself, Quick Change was amazing.

I found out about a local hockey team that was around for two years in the 60s called the Hensall-Zurich Combines. Now you might be thinking "Steve would love that team!", however the name combine comes from the COMBINE-nation of the two towns for one team.

Steve would probably love them anyways.

We discovered the team because my friend Jared and I were making fun of the Wellsley Applejacks at lunch. Good times.

Be sure to check out Kerry and my duet below.

Duets

Caleb and I made th mistake of listening to Phantom Planet on the way home tonight and this is what happens. We'll be releasing an album soon.

Mookasso

I caught Mook painting his room today. Gone is the cat.

What is your favourite part of the word...

Here's a classy part of our mission to Costa Rica last summer.




Today was my grandfather's memorial and burial (of his ashes). So everyone is very solemn and some are crying and my uncle had borrowed my late grandfather's hat. So he dropped the hat on the ground and then he started laughing, which seemed quite out of place for the situation and so I asked him what he was laughing about and it turns out that there was a note inside the hat that read "Like Hell it's yours, but it back" followed by my gramps' address in case his hat got stolen at the Legion.